Vivian Nuñez, Writer & Founder of Too Damn Young
As the founder of Too Damn Young, Vivian Nuñez has dedicated her life to helping teens and young adults navigate their grief. Her desire to create this resource and community stems from Vivian’s own experience, having lost her mom at age 10 and her grandma at age 21.
“As I was navigating the reality of being a senior in college and what it was like losing my second mom for the second time, I realized there was such a juxtaposition between how we’re allowed to grieve when we’re a child vs. how we’re encouraged to grieve when we’re a young adult – and we are not encouraged to grieve when we’re a young adult,” Vivian recently said at this year’s Whole30® Community Cares Summit. “We’re very much encouraged to bypass that and move on to anything else.”
While there’s no guidebook on grief, the first-generation Ecuadorian American believes sharing and listening to others’ experiences is key to ending the stigma surrounding the grieving process.
“The more that we can have these conversations and the nuances of what it’s like in different points in our life and how grief never really ends – I think that’s what makes it a lot more easier for the mental health conversations and for the ability to just hold space,” she says.
Vivian truly is a force doing so much good and I’m so excited for you to meet her. Keep reading for my full interview with this mujer de magia.
Grace Gavilanes: Too Damn Young has helped so many people. How has it helped you?
Vivian Nuñez: Too Damn Young saved me when I was 21 and has saved me countless times since then. Back then, it gave me something to pour into to turn the nothingness of grief into something meaningful for myself, like a life raft. Since then it’s helped teach me the importance of community and connection as we navigate really hard things. A constant reminder that we don’t have to be alone even in the moments when we feel the lost singled out or loneliest.
GG: I want you to brag! You don’t do it enough. What is your proudest accomplishment?
VN: Right now in my career, it’s split between finishing my book proposal and the biggest talk of my career that I gave last December. It’s actually been so awesome because in the last two weeks the End Well video went viral on Instagram and has over 250K views. [Editor’s note: Vivian spoke at the 2019 End Well conference, where she provided insight on the mental and emotional toll caregiving has on people of all ages.] Being able to connect with others who have also experienced loss or been caretakers to their loved ones – it’s been one of the highlights of my last few weeks.
On a personal level, I’m also split between an actual accomplishment and just like a personal blessing. My accomplishment is starting and staying in therapy for the last almost seven years. In my family, no one ever has talked about mental health, so I am the first person in my family to actually tackle my mental health. Looking back, the fact that I started and stuck with it and have used it as my tool to dismantle so much generational trauma is something I’m really proud of. Then on the blessing side, my little family with my boyfriend and puppy is just not even an accomplishment but just my pride and joy.
GG: What does being Latina mean to you?
VN: To me, being Latina is the cornerstone of who I am. It’s my touch tree that I go back to when I try to answer life’s big questions: “Who am I? Who have I been? Who do I want to be?” My latinidad is so wrapped up in my family, in my determination, and my own perspective on life — on what I want to learn and unlearn — that even reflecting on it reminds me just how much it’s a part of my life.
GG: How would you say you stay connected to your culture?
VN: I don’t get to speak Spanish a lot in conversation much anymore, so I’ve found that teaching my boyfriend some key words in Spanish has helped me stay connected. It’s fun when he randomly throws them into conversation like agua instead of water or chisme when we’re watching reality shows and there’s gossip happening. Every few weekends I also dedicate a Saturday to making some of my grandma’s breakfast recipes. It feels eventful when I cook it and helps bring back so many of those memories into our home.
““Being Latina is the cornerstone of who I am. It’s my touch tree that I go back to when I try to answer life’s big questions: ‘Who am I? Who have I been? Who do I want to be?’””
GG: Imposter syndrome is a very real thing in our community. How do you combat those feelings?
VN: Ooof. Talk about hitting the nail on the head. I’ve been struggling with this a lot. I’m working through transitions — moving states and work — and it’s been a challenge to remind myself that I’m worthy and that I am capable. A few things I’ve been doing to counter the bad thoughts is to journal a lot. I have both a physical journal and an app on my iPad that makes it possible for me to write out my feelings no matter where I am. There’s also a Post-it on my wall that says “Doable” to remind myself that I can actually do things and that I shouldn’t build walls with my negative talk to myself. I’ve also been reading a lot the last few weeks. My biggest recommendation right now is Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s helped challenge my agency with regard to my creativity and just contributed to a bunch of perspective shifts.
GG: Which Latinx content creators are you currently obsessed with?
VN: You featured her on here, but Liz [Flores]’s work is just something I’m so excited to see more of every time I log onto the app. I’m moving to Portland soon and I’m looking forward to having one of her pieces in my home.
GG: What do you wish people knew about you that isn't apparent from a quick scan of your IG?
VN: Love this question! Family and friends are the biggest part of my life and they’re not really on my IG, so I would love people to know that while my IG is a reflection of my career, my writing, and a portion of my lived experiences, my family and friends are who I spend all my own moments with.
